Posted by: Chris | December 11, 2009

Lame mutant powers.

The other night the hubby and I were getting ready for bed and started talking about how some of the mutant “powers” are just, well, they just stink.  First off, I really enjoy the movies and watched the cartoon when I was younger, but I never got to the point of reading the comics, so my knowledge is a bit limited.  But, here is my list of the top five “I’d rather be boring and normal than have to live with this” mutant powers:

1. Morlocks.  Let’s face it, as a group these guys really got thrown into the shallow end of the mutant gene pool.  Many of them don’t even have any benefit from their mutation(s) at all, they just look weird.  And the ones that do have a “power” – I mean, would you want to be able to blow up like a Japanese delicacy?  No wonder Blowfish guy from X-Men 3 is in a bad mood.  I would be too if I could never go to sushi bars for fear of being put on the specials menu.

2. The kid who can change tv channels by blinking (cause the remote is sooo far away…it might as well be in China).  I guess it’s a good thing he lives in an age of tv and satellite tv.  Just think, if he had been born before the age of television no one might have known he was a mutant at all!  Well, at least he could easily win in a channel surfing contest against any man out there…

3. The teenager who can write…WITH HIS HAND!!  Also from the movie, when Xavier is showing Logan around the school there’s a kid who is taking notes with his hand.  I’d like to think that he’s doing something really cool with his power like realigning molecules to create  graphite and directing the newly created molecules to form the writing on the page, but he’s probably just a glorified typewriter.  I guess he has a pretty good future as a transcriptionist if nothing else.

Even a couple of the official “X-Men” seem to be a bit lacking…

4. Jubilee.  Sure, she’s great to have around on the 4th of July, but that’s about it.  Plus she keeps blowing up portable electronics.  No iphone for you, young lady!

5.  Beast.  Poor Beast.  Sure he’s really strong and agile and has nice teeth, but he sheds. All. Over. Everything.  It must be embarrassing to be the only X-Man who gets his hair cut by a flowbee.  Hey Hank, maybe you could ask the Professor to help find you a mutant lint roller!  You never know what mutant powers might be out there…

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Responses

  1. Outstanding! Well done, my dear, well done…


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